Suicidal thoughts can be very difficult to deal with or understand. Sometimes they can be fleeting, but other times they can be stronger urges or fantasies that promise relief from seemingly unbearable pain. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome suicidal thoughts that can move you away from hurting yourself and towards recovery.
Suicide was defined by the sociologist Emile Durkheim as applying to ‘all cases of death resulting directly or indirectly from a positive or negative act of the victim himself, which he knows will produce this result’.
Why do I think of Suicide?
A person’s risk of committing suicide can be increased by a number of demographic and social risk factors. Demographic risk factors for suicide include being male; being relatively young; and being single, widowed, or separated or divorce.
Social risk factors for suicide include being unemployed, insecurely employed, or retired; having a poor level of social support as is often the case for the elderly, prisoners, immigrants, refugees, and the bereaved; and having been through a recent life crisis such as losing a close friend or relative or being the victim of physical or sexual abuse.
As well as demographic and social risk factors, a person’s risk of committing suicide can also be increased by a number of clinical risk factors. The most important predictor of suicide is a previous act of deliberate self-harm, and a person’s risk of completing suicide in the year following an act of deliberate self-harm is approximately 100 times greater than that of the average person.
Conversely, up to half of all people who complete suicide have a history of deliberate self-harm. Suicidal behavior tends to cluster in families, so a family history of deliberate self-harm also increases a person’s risk of suicide. This is perhaps because suicide is a learned behaviour or, more likely, because family members share a generic predisposition to psychiatric disorders that are associated with a higher risk of suicide.
Some of the thoughts that may accompany suicidal thoughts include:
• I want to escape my suffering.
• I have no other options.
• I am a horrible person and do not deserve to live.
• I have betrayed my loved ones.
• My loved ones would be better off without me.
• I want my loved ones to know how bad I am feeling.
• I want my loved ones to know how bad they have made me feel.
Though you may think you will never act on them, all suicidal thoughts need to be taken seriously.
Here are some tips to overcome thoughts about ending your life.
1. Talk to someone
Many of us have found that the first step to coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings is to share them with someone we trust. It may be a family member, friend, therapist, member of the clergy, teacher, family doctor, coach, or an experienced counselor at the end of a helpline. Find someone you trust and let them know how bad things are. Don’t let fear, shame, or embarrassment prevent you from seeking help. And if the first person you reach out to doesn’t seem to understand, try someone else. Just talking about how you got to this point in your life can release a lot of the pressure that’s building up and help you find a way to cope.
Here are some people you could talk to:
- members of your family, whānau, friends and support networks
- your doctor or local medical centre
- a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist
- phone helplines – see opposite
- church or spiritual leaders
- support groups for people going through similar things.
If your request for help isn’t heard, ask again. You may need to find someone who can help you find the right person to talk to, or who will go with you to appointments or meetings.
2. Speak to a doctor or psychiatrist
Lots of people talk to their doctor about emotional difficulties or mental health problems, so your doctor will be used to listening to people talking about suicide.
It can be very hard to talk about having suicidal thoughts, but it's very important to share what's going on for you. If you have made a plan to hurt yourself, talk about what you are planning to do so that your doctor can understand how serious your thoughts are.
Ask any questions you’d like to about what’s happening, or ask a support person to ask for you.
So they can help you feel better, your doctor or counsellor will listen to you in private, and ask some questions about you and your situation. You might want to have some of your family, whānau, friends and support network with you. You might not. Just say what you would prefer.
If you’re very distressed, it might be suggested that you take some medication, which will help you feel calmer.
Your doctor or health professional may want to talk to your whānau, friends or family about you and your situation. They will do this with your permission but if there is serious concern that you are in danger, they may talk to others without your consent.
When you ask for help, you have the right to:
- be respected and taken seriously
- have your distress acknowledged
- speak privately to people about yourself and your situation
- be listened to
- be encouraged to recover
- have your family, whānau, friends or support network with you to help you make decisions about your care, if you choose to
- have your cultural needs acknowledged and supported, if that’s what you want.
3. Avoid alcohol and drugs
Suicidal thoughts can become even stronger if you have taken drugs or alcohol. It is important to not use nonprescription drugs or alcohol when you feel hopeless or are thinking about suicide.
4. Be hopeful
The hopelessness you feel as you consider suicide may be the side effect of a difficult situation or an illness that can be treated. This emotion can be so overpowering that it clouds your judgment and leads you to believe that taking your own life is the best, or only, option.
- Recognize that these feelings are temporary and that with appropriate treatment you can learn how to help yourself feel better about life again. Asking others for support can help you see that you have other options and give you hope about the future.
- Create a list of the reasons you have to live. This list can include being alive for your pet, your children, a favorite niece, or something that you enjoy doing at work or at home. It doesn't matter what the list includes, but finding a sense of purpose in your life can make a difference
5. Try to wait
Even though you’re in a lot of pain right now, give yourself some distance between thoughts and action. Make a promise to yourself: “I will wait 24 hours and won’t do anything drastic during that time.” Or, wait a week.
Thoughts and actions are two different things—your suicidal thoughts do not have to become a reality. There is no deadline, no one’s pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts and suicidal action.
Thought it's not easy, but you can be free from suicidal, remember no problem last forever and someone somewhere loves you very much. By getting proper treatment and using effective coping strategies, you can learn to manage or eliminate suicidal thoughts and develop a more satisfying life.
